Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
