All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
