I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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