you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
