Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
