Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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