My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
