What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
