He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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