My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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