do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Randomize
