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Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
