He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize