I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
nutella sex= disaster
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
