I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
