I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
