Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
there is glitter all over my balls
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