So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
false alarm, still single
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
