I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize