Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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