Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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