Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
