Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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