Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
