He had one of those small greek statue penises
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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