Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
