I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
