apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
