I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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