and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
