just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
