Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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