You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm too high and old for this...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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