I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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