I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
