dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
