Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
