I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
