hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Screwed.edu
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize