I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
