she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize