don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
