At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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