Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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