Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize