I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
