Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
