i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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