I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
