This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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