Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
