Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
