Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
