so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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