drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
