i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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