No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
