Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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