oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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