I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
