Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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