I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
