Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize