my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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