I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
