I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Randomize
