Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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