my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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