Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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