I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
