That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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