brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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