Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
