he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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