I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
