so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
