No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
