Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
