I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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