i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
