i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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