I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He better not be in your backpack
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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