Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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