So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
