I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
