If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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