Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
