Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Congratulations! We have a period
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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