so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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