What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
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