We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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