It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
