Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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