This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
