decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
