When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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