he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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