Taylor Swift is so right about you.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
