**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
