Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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