3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
