***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
