we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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